Tuesday, January 06, 2009


So I had this idea to try drinking wine. Danny & I don't drink at all & this was not something he was endorsing for me to try. Soooo... my Mama was here visiting for Thanksgiving. We went shopping at Wal-mart and went by the wine racks. As I was standing there in front of that huge display of every-wine-known-to-man, one of the pharmacist I work with happened by.....So she recommend some wine & I bought it.

The next morning as Mama & I were cooking some things we decided to open some wine & try it. Now my Mama doesn't drink either but who safer to drink with then your Mama! So I take out bottle number one (of two bottles). I remove the paper from the top & find a cotton-picking-cork! Hey it was an $8.00 bottle, I didn't think there would be a cork! I DON'T HAVE A CORK REMOVER EITHER, but hey, I'm resourceful....how hard can it be to remove a cork! Hummmmm.

So I start with the big fork thingy you use to turn your pot roast with. After working the prongs in I attempt to twist & pull at the cork to no avail. Hummm. So me & this bottle of wine go down to the shop with Danny's tools. I put a drill bit on the drill & drill......right through the cork....Making plenty of cork shavings to litter my bottle of wine! The cork is still tight & I cant get whats left of the cork out. So I took a big Flathead screw driver and hammered the cork INTO THE DARN BOTTLE! Free at last! So I go back to the house with the cork tainted wine ready to drink. My Mama says...."You have to strain it now". Hummm. "Cheese cloth" my Mama says! I have some...so we proceed in the straining of the wine....get our wine glasses out...pour it up...& smell & taste & pour the rest of it DOWN THE SINK!! It was horrible!

But this redneck is determined to be a wine drinker. So I go get the other bottle. I still don't have a cork remover but I am much wiser this go around! I take that bottle of wine right back down to the shop. I placed the correct size screw into the drill....drill it in halfway into the cork. I place the bottle of wine in Danny's vice on his work bench & tighten it up. I then use the claw hammer to remove the cork. "POP" goes the cork! I go back to the house....pour up Mama & I a nice clean glass of wine....we smell....we taste...and we POUR THE REST DOWN THE SINK! Wine looks, smells, and tastes a lot like Robitussin to me! So I'll just wait till I'm sick again & pour me up a good shot of Robitussin in my wine glass & call it a day!

Cheers to you wine drinkers our there!! LOL!


dot said...

It was fun and rednecks we definitely are when it comes to wine drinking.

Jen said...

I love wine. I started out with a White Zinfandel that was sweet...and slowly moved to a dry Chardonnay...you have to find one you really like and drink it awhile before branching out....first you need to buy you a cork screw I have been laughing really hard as it's not that hard to open a bottle of wine when you have the screw...lol.

The 4th Sister said...

You could tell from this post you were from the South...I have done the same thing before I ended up pushing the cork in the bottle..By the next bottle I had a cork screw...

JunieRose2005 said...

hahaha-I LOVED this!!

The only wine I really like -just once in awhile- is White Zinfandel...which is actually a rosy pink in color!

LOL- and I get the kind that has a screw off top!!